I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
