At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
