i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
