so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
