help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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