She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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