Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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