i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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