maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
