Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
