So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
