He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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