Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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