exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
