i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
