Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
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