Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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