I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
