you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
