his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
