i need an iv and a liver transplant
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
