Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
