I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
