I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
