someone threw a dead crab at me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
