Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
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He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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