GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
