and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
