just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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