How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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