He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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