Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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