you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
