my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
