he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She bit a glass in half.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
