And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
