The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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