he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
