My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
