you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
