That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
