my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
