so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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