I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
