i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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