I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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