just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
