how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
