Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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