I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
