good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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