rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
