Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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