At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
