Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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