walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
