dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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