he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
