he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
