yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
