So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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