bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
