my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
