can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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