I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
