You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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