on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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