So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
