hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize