Christians are straight up FREAKS
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
