I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
