be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
