Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she peed on how many people?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
