seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
pray to the hookup gods
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
