Define "chronic" masturbator.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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