I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
