He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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