I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
