I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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